Disavowed Anger: How Somatic Therapy Helps Make the Unspoken Felt
Anger is one of the most misunderstood emotions, especially when it comes to trauma. In everyday culture, anger is often seen as dangerous, destructive, or something to be avoided. Many people are taught from a young age that anger should be controlled, hidden, or pushed away. Some are told that anger makes them difficult, ungrateful, or out of control. Because of this, many people come to therapy believing that their anger is the main problem. They may feel ashamed of it or afraid of it. Some try very hard not to feel angry at all. Others worry that if they allow themselves to feel anger, they will hurt someone or lose control. In reality, anger itself is rarely the problem. Much more often, the real issue is being disconnected from anger. When anger is disavowed, meaning it is pushed out of awareness or not allowed to be felt, it tends to show up in other ways. Instead of feeling calm or resolved, people may experience anxiety, depression, physical pain, relationship struggles, or a constant sense of inner tension. When someone is able to feel their anger safely and consciously, it often opens the door to deeper emotions underneath. Anger frequently protects feelings like fear, sadness, grief, or hurt. Without access to anger, those deeper feelings can remain stuck or overwhelming. In this blog, we will explore the connection between anger and trauma using somatic counseling.
Trauma, Safety, and Anger
For many people with a history of childhood trauma, neglect, or long-term stress in relationships, anger did not feel safe. It may not have been safe to express it, talk about it, or even notice it. Over time, the nervous system learned that anger could threaten connection, safety, or survival. As a result, anger was pushed away, even though it continued to influence thoughts, behaviors, and the body. Somatic therapy offers a way to gently reconnect with anger. Instead of pushing people to express anger or release it quickly, somatic therapy helps people slowly notice and understand anger in the body. This process is called avowal. To avow anger means to recognize it, understand why it is there, and respond to it with choice rather than fear.
What Is Disavowed Anger?
Disavowed anger is anger that exists outside of conscious awareness. A person may say they are not angry, while their body and behavior tell a different story. This type of anger is often denied, minimized, or expressed indirectly.
Disavowed anger can look like:
Chronic irritability or frustration
Emotional withdrawal or shutting down
Perfectionism or a strong need for control
Harsh self-criticism or ongoing shame
Physical symptoms such as headaches, jaw tension, stomach pain, or fatigue
Disavowed anger does not mean anger is gone. It means anger was once too risky to feel or express, so the nervous system learned to hide it. Even though the person may not feel angry, the body often still carries the tension and energy of anger. Psychologist Paul Wachtel explains that there is a difference between expressing anger and owning anger. A person may show anger through yelling, sarcasm, or conflict, but still not recognize the feeling as their own. Without ownership, anger tends to repeat old patterns instead of helping create change or understanding.
Why Anger Gets Disavowed After Trauma
Anger plays an important role in setting boundaries. It helps us protect ourselves, speak up for our needs, and respond when something feels wrong. In healthy families, children learn that anger can be expressed and repaired. They learn that relationships can survive anger. In many traumatic or neglectful environments, this is not true. Children who grow up with caregivers who are frightening, emotionally unavailable, unpredictable, or overwhelmed often learn that anger is dangerous. Showing anger may lead to punishment, rejection, or emotional distance. Even feeling angry inside can feel threatening if it risks upsetting the caregiver. To stay safe and connected, the nervous system adapts. Anger may be turned inward and experienced as shame or guilt. It may turn into anxiety or constant worry. It may show up as people pleasing or always putting others first. Over time, the person may lose the ability to recognize anger at all, even though it continues to affect their body and relationships. These patterns are not personal failures. They are survival responses that once helped keep the person safe.
Anger and the Nervous System
From a nervous system point of view, anger is closely connected to the fight response. This response prepares the body to protect itself. It brings energy into the muscles, increases focus, and supports action. When the body prepares to fight or protect, but is not allowed to complete that response, the energy has nowhere to go. Over time, it becomes stuck. This stuck energy may show up as anxiety, tension, restlessness, or physical pain. This is why many people with disavowed anger feel on edge or exhausted while also saying they are not angry. Their body is holding unfinished protective responses. Without awareness, these responses continue to run in the background.
How Disavowed Anger Shows Up in the Body
When anger is not allowed into awareness, it often shows up through physical sensations instead.
Common body experiences include:
Tightness in the jaw, neck, shoulders, or hands
Pressure or discomfort in the chest or stomach
Frequent headaches or migraines
Digestive issues
A sense of agitation with no clear reason
Somatic therapy focuses on gently noticing these body signals. Instead of asking someone to talk about their anger right away, the therapist helps them notice sensations, movements, or impulses in the body. As this awareness grows slowly and safely, anger can begin to surface. At first, it may appear as tension, heat, or an urge to move. Over time, it may become clearer as an emotion with meaning.
Disavowed Anger and Anxiety
Disavowed anger often plays a major role in anxiety. When anger cannot be recognized, the nervous system stays in a state of alertness. Anxiety becomes a way of staying ready for danger without directly addressing what needs protection or change. For many people, anxiety replaces anger. Instead of feeling something is wrong and I need to respond, the body stays busy with worry, planning, and control. This can lead to constant mental activity and difficulty relaxing. Intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors can also serve as ways to avoid anger. The mind focuses on preventing mistakes or managing uncertainty, keeping attention away from deeper feelings of frustration or resentment. While these patterns may have helped at one time, they often create exhaustion and distance from the self over time.
Why Anger Often Feels Scary
For many people, anger feels dangerous. It may be linked to memories of yelling, violence, rejection, or emotional withdrawal. Some people learned that anger leads to harm or loss of connection. Because of this, the nervous system may associate anger with danger. Even small amounts of anger can feel overwhelming or out of control. Avoiding anger can feel safer than risking what might happen if it comes up. In therapy, anger is not treated as something to release or act on. It is approached slowly, with care and choice. Learning that anger can be felt without losing control is often a key part of healing.
What It Means to Avow Anger
Avowing anger does not mean acting it out or hurting others. It means recognizing anger internally and understanding what it is trying to protect. In somatic and trauma-informed therapy, this process may involve:
Noticing body sensations linked to anger
Learning to tell the difference between anger and shame or fear
Understanding what feels threatened or violated
Allowing protective impulses without acting on them
Choosing how and when to express anger safely
When anger is acknowledged, it often becomes less intense. It no longer needs to burst out or stay hidden. Instead, it becomes a useful signal. Integrated anger supports clear boundaries, self-respect, and honest communication. Many people find that anxiety decreases and decision-making becomes easier when anger is no longer disowned.
The Importance of Safety and Relationship
For many people, therapy is the first place where anger can be noticed without punishment or abandonment. A therapist provides a calm and steady presence that helps the nervous system feel safe enough to explore anger. Over time, this experience changes expectations. People learn that anger does not destroy connection. It can exist alongside care, responsibility, and respect. This allows the nervous system to relax and become more flexible.
Disavowed Anger Is a Survival Response
Disavowed anger is not a disorder or a flaw. It is a response to environments where anger was too costly to feel. Trauma-informed therapy does not try to remove anger. It helps people build a healthier relationship with it. When anger is avowed, many people experience greater clarity, less anxiety, stronger boundaries, and a deeper sense of self. What once felt dangerous becomes a source of guidance and strength. Learning to feel anger without rejecting it or acting it out is a powerful step toward healing, freedom, and self-trust.
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Embodied Wellness, PLLC provides online therapy in Michigan to adults and teenagers. Our therapists are trained in EMDR, DBT, empath counseling and the treatment of anxiety, depression and OCD. We also have low-cost therapy starting at $30
About the Author:
Sarah Rollins, LMSW, SEP is the founder of Embodied Wellness, PLLC, a group therapy practice providing online therapy in Michigan. She is passionate about expanding awareness of somatic therapy as way to treat and heal trauma. She incorporates other holistic treatments into her practice, including EMDR and IFS.