When Will Someone Come to Save Me?
Have you ever felt like you were waiting for someone to save you, only to realize no one is coming? As a trauma therapist with over 10 years of experience, I see this theme with my clients. It sucks to have to save ourselves constantly. It hurts when no one is there to support us. It’s not fair that other people seem to get help, and you are left in the dust.
For those with PTSD or CPTSD, this feeling of not being saved isn’t just imagination—it’s real. Trauma teaches us that the people who were supposed to protect us weren’t always there. And the grief of that realization can be heavy.
You might be wondering how to manage that pain, navigate triggers, or find a PTSD therapist who really gets it. In this blog, we’ll explore how attachment figures shape our healing, why self-reliance becomes necessary, and practical ways to cope with the grief of having to rescue yourself.
The Desire to Be Rescued
PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) and CPTSD (Complex PTSD) both develop after trauma, but CPTSD usually comes from prolonged or repeated trauma, especially in childhood. One key theme in both is the desire to be rescued.
When trauma happens, your brain and body are in danger. Naturally, you look for someone safe to protect you. We can seek this from parents, partners, government officials, and employers. If that safety isn’t there, your survival instincts get stuck in hyper-alert mode. Think fight, flight or freeze. You start carrying the weight of protection yourself.
This isn’t weakness—it’s adaptation. Your nervous system learned early on that you couldn’t rely on others to keep you safe. But it comes with grief. The grief of realizing: No one is coming. I have to do this alone.
Attachment Figures and Early Trauma
Attachment theory explains how our early relationships shape our emotional world. When children feel safe and cared for, they develop a secure attachment. In simple terms, this means they trust that others will meet their needs.
But when caregivers are absent, inconsistent, or unsafe, attachment wounds form. You might develop:
Anxious attachment: Constantly seeking reassurance or rescue from others
Avoidant attachment: Avoiding closeness due to the fear of losing independence
Disorganized attachment: Feeling torn between wanting closeness and fearing it
For adults with PTSD or CPTSD, these attachment patterns can make the “no one is coming” reality feel overwhelming. You may desperately wish for rescue, yet simultaneously struggle to trust that anyone can be there for you.
The Grief of Self-Reliance
The hardest part isn’t always the trauma itself. It’s the moment you realize there was no one to turn to. No steady adult. No safe attachment figure. No one who noticed, stepped in, or stayed. That realization can hit years later, long after the danger is gone, and it carries a deep kind of grief.
For people with PTSD or CPTSD, this grief isn’t just about what happened. It’s about what didn’t happen. The comfort that never came. The protection that should have been there. The reassurance that might have changed everything. These were basic needs, especially in childhood, and when they go unmet, the loss doesn’t disappear. It lives in the nervous system.
This grief often shows up in quiet, confusing ways.
You might feel lonely even when you’re surrounded by people. Relationships may exist, but something still feels missing. There’s a sense that no one really has you, or that letting someone get close won’t actually make you feel safer.
You might feel anger—at yourself for not handling things “better,” or at others for failing you. Sometimes that anger turns inward, becoming shame or self-blame. Other times, it shows up as resentment or exhaustion from always having to be the strong one.
Asking for help can feel nearly impossible. You may want support deeply, yet freeze or pull away when it’s offered. Your body learned early that needing others was dangerous or pointless, so even safe help can feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar.
And many people carry a quiet belief that they are “too much” or “unworthy” of care. That belief didn’t come from nowhere. It often grew out of being ignored, dismissed, or made to feel like your needs were a burden.
This grief is not a personal failure. It’s a natural response to a real loss. You lost safety. You lost consistency. You lost reliable attachment figures at a time when you needed them most. Grieving that loss is part of healing, even though it’s painful. Naming it matters. It helps explain why self-reliance feels so heavy and why learning to care for yourself now can bring both strength and sadness at the same time.
Why We Crave Rescue
It’s normal to want to be rescued, especially after trauma. When your brain has been trained to expect danger, you’re wired to hope for help. That hope keeps us alive. But with CPTSD, that help may never come in the way we imagined.
That creates tension: you feel the instinct to reach for someone else, but also the reality that relying solely on yourself is what survival looks like. Therapy can help you navigate this tension without shaming or blaming yourself.
Facing PTSD Triggers in Michigan
Triggers are moments, sensations, or situations that pull your body and mind back into the trauma—even when you’re not in danger anymore. They don’t follow a single rulebook. There is no exhaustive list of PTSD triggers, and what affects one person may not affect another. Your personal history, your nervous system, and your attachment experiences shape trauma triggers.
Some examples of trauma triggers include:
Thunderstorms that bring you back to chaotic or frightening childhood nights, when safety felt unpredictable or nonexistent
Sirens, alarms, or hospital sounds that echo past medical trauma, emergencies, or moments of helplessness
Busy streets, crowded events, or loud public spaces that overwhelm your nervous system and create a sense of danger, even when nothing is wrong
These triggers don’t just activate memories. They activate the body. Your heart may race. Your muscles tense. Your thoughts scatter. And often, the reaction feels bigger than the situation in front of you.
When you face triggers alone, the grief of self-reliance can intensify. In those moments, you may feel a deep longing for someone to step in to calm you, ground you, or take over when your system feels overloaded. For many people with PTSD or CPTSD, this longing connects directly to attachment wounds and the reality that there was no one to do that in the past.
This is why triggers can feel so heavy. They don’t just remind you of the trauma itself. They remind you that you had to survive without consistent support.
Working with a PTSD therapist in Michigan can help you identify your specific triggers and understand why they affect you the way they do. More importantly, therapy helps you learn how to calm your nervous system from the inside: slowly, safely, and without forcing yourself to “just get over it.”
Recognizing your triggers is not about avoiding life. It’s about building awareness so you can respond with care instead of panic. It’s the first step in learning how to support yourself through moments that once felt unbearable—and in understanding that your reactions make sense.
Building a Relationship With Yourself
Since no one else can fully rescue you, healing often means becoming your own safe person. That doesn’t mean you can’t have support. It means you learn to regulate and comfort yourself first.
Steps to build self-reliance after trauma:
Notice your body: PTSD and CPTSD live in the body. Check in with your breathing, heart rate, and tension.
Practice grounding: Use your senses to reconnect to the present. Name five things you see, four you hear, and three you touch.
Name your grief: Write down or speak about the pain of unmet needs and lost attachment figures.
Self-compassion: Treat yourself as you would a friend who has been abandoned. Gentle care matters.
Small acts of protection: Make choices that keep yourself feel safe(r) and supported in daily life.
How PTSD Therapy Can Support You
Even though part of healing is self-reliance, therapy provides a safe space to process grief and learn skills. PTSD therapy in Michigan can help you:
Identify triggers and patterns from past attachment wounds
Understand the grief of not being rescued
Learn grounding and self-soothing techniques such as EMDR container exercise
Build a healthy sense of self as your own attachment figure
PTSD therapy can also help you explore past relationships and attachment figures safely, creating new ways to feel supported without relying on absent or unsafe caregivers.
Practical Steps to Cope With the Grief
Remember, self-reliance doesn’t have to be isolation. It’s learning to hold yourself gently while seeking support you can trust now.
1. Acknowledge the loss: Say it aloud or journal: “I didn’t get the protection I needed.”
2. Give yourself permission to feel: Crying, anger, or frustration is valid.
3. Create mini “safe havens”: Calm spaces, comforting routines, or grounding objects can act as internal attachment figures.
4. Reach for support: Friends, support groups, or therapists can help buffer the loneliness, even if they can’t erase the past.
Rewriting Your Attachment Story
Healing from PTSD or CPTSD can feel like rewriting the story you were told as a child:
Instead of “No one will save me,” you can learn: “I can care for myself, and I can accept help from safe people.”
Instead of “I am alone,” you can learn: “I have choices and resources to meet my needs.”
Therapy can guide this rewriting process. Over time, the internal voice of self-doubt softens, and the sense of personal safety grows.
Finding the Right PTSD Therapist in Michigan
It’s normal to hesitate when reaching out! It can help to know what to look for when searching for a therapist. It’s important to find a therapist with the following qualities:
Experience with trauma, CPTSD, and attachment work
Comfort with somatic or body-based therapies
A therapist who listens and validates your grief
The first session might feel scary. But it’s a step toward learning that someone can witness your pain safely and that you can hold yourself with that same care.
Ready to Heal from the Trauma of Being Alone?
If you’re living with PTSD or CPTSD in Michigan, remember: it’s not your fault that no one rescued you in the past. The grief you feel is valid. And while the past can’t be changed, the way you care for yourself now can.
Seeking PTSD therapy in Michigan can help you navigate triggers, attachment wounds, and the deep pain of self-reliance. It’s possible to reclaim a sense of safety, even if it’s something you have to cultivate yourself.
You are not alone in your journey, even when it feels like you are. Healing is possible. You have the strength to rescue yourselfand to build the life you deserve.
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Other Services at Embodied Wellness in Farmington Hills and throughout Michigan
Are you looking for other services besides PTSD therapy? Our other services include Empath therapy and Online Therapy. Our specialties include OCD treatment and ERP therapy, DBT, depression treatment, Somatic Therapy, and Internal Family Systems. All these online therapy services are available for teens and adolescents as well as adults. Get in touch with our Detroit-based practice today!
About the Author:
Sarah Rollins, LMSW, SEP is the founder of Embodied Wellness, PLLC, a group therapy practice providing online therapy in Michigan. She is passionate about expanding awareness of somatic therapy as way to treat and heal trauma. She incorporates other holistic treatments into her practice including EMDR and IFS.