Are Male or Female Therapists Better for Trauma? Maybe That’s Not the Right Question
When you’ve lived through trauma, such as childhood abuse, assault, loss, or a life-changing event, finding a therapist can feel like a lot to take on. Sometimes it's hard to know where to start. What is my insurance? Do I want to see someone in person or virtually? How do I know who to trust? Where do I find a good therapist?
Another common question is, "Would I feel safer with a man or a woman?" We may wonder if the identity of our therapist, particularly their gender or sex, matters.
The short answer? It depends... but probably not in the way you think.
In this blog, we will explore what the research says, why gender might matter for some people, and what actually makes trauma therapy effective.
Do Male or Female Therapists Get Better Trauma Results?
Research has tried to answer this question for decades, and the results are surprisingly consistent. The gender of the therapist does not strongly predict therapy success.
In one large study, people who matched their therapist’s gender didn’t automatically do better. In fact, male clients paired with male therapists sometimes had lower retention rates.
Another review of trauma-focused therapy found that while men and women may express trauma differently, gender itself doesn’t determine outcome. What matters more is the quality of the therapeutic relationship and the therapist’s skill in trauma work.
So while gender might shape comfort or style, the science says: the key to healing isn’t gender. The key is safety, trust, and connection.
How Gender Shapes Comfort and Safety in Therapy
That said, gender can still influence how you feel in therapy. If you’ve experienced harm or trauma connected to one gender, you may feel uneasy working with someone who reminds you of that experience or person. This is not always the case though. Sometimes, working with a therapist whose gender is connected to a past negative experience, especially when identity was part of the trauma, can actually be healing.
Here are some examples:
Someone who’s survived sexual assault by a man might feel safer with a woman.
A man who has never had a safe relationship with women might find it healing to work with a female therapist who provides warmth and understanding.
A nonbinary or gender queer person might prefer a therapist who understands gender identity beyond the binary altogether.
Gender doesn’t define healing, but comfort does. Therapy only works when your body and mind feel safe enough to open up.
Why Therapist Gender Isn’t the Whole Story in Trauma Healing
Even though gender can shape comfort, it’s not the biggest factor in recovery. What matters more is how trauma shows up in your body and how your therapist helps you regulate it.
A therapist of any gender identity can create a safe space... or fail to. What counts is their ability to notice your nervous system cues, slow down when you’re overwhelmed, and help you stay within your “window of tolerance.”
Gender might affect your first impression, but rapport and skill sustain the healing process.
What to Look for in a Trauma-Informed Therapist (Beyond Gender)
Since research shows that a therapist’s gender doesn’t determine how successful therapy will be, it’s worth focusing on what does make a difference. Healing from trauma takes more than just talking about what happened. It requires safety, connection, and a therapist who truly understands how trauma shows up in the body and mind. Here’s how to choose a therapist that is best for you:
1. Trauma Training and Experience
Not all therapists are trained to work with trauma. You want someone who understands how trauma affects your brain, body, and relationships. Look for therapists trained in trauma-specific approaches like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), Somatic Therapy, or Internal Family Systems (IFS). These methods go beyond talk therapy to help your nervous system process what it couldn’t before.
Ask potential therapists about their training: What kind of trauma work do you do? How do you help people regulate their nervous systems? A good trauma therapist will answer these questions clearly and confidently.
2. Connection and Rapport
The quality of your relationship with your therapist is one of the strongest predictors of success in trauma therapy. Do you feel heard? Understood? Safe to be yourself? That connection, called the therapeutic alliance, is the foundation for real healing.
It’s normal if it takes a few sessions to know whether the relationship feels right. Trust your gut. You deserve to work with someone who helps you feel supported, not judged.
3. Safety and Consent
A trauma-informed therapist will always help you feel in control. You should have the freedom to pause, slow down, or stop at any point. They’ll ask permission before exploring painful memories and check in often to make sure you’re okay.
Healing trauma isn’t about “pushing through.” It’s about going at the pace your nervous system can handle. When therapy feels collaborative, not forced, your body learns that it’s finally safe.
4. Cultural Humility
Trauma doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It’s shaped by your identity, culture, race, sexuality, and environment. A culturally humble therapist recognizes that they don’t know everything about your experience. They know that you are the expert of your own body and life. Instead, they approach your story with curiosity and respect.
They’ll make space for how oppression, privilege, marginalization or generational trauma have impacted you. This helps you feel seen as a whole person, not a diagnosis.
Can Therapist Gender Affect How You Feel in Sessions?
Yes, and that’s okay. Our experience can be subjective. Some people feel immediately comfortable with a therapist of one gender; others don’t.
The important thing is to listen to your body. Pay attention to how it feels when you sit across from them. Do you experience tightness in your chest? Is your breathing shallow? Are you unsure how you feel? Do you feel a sense of relief? Think about sensations as data into your experience rather than "good," "bad," "right," or "wrong."
You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your preferences. If you feel safer with a therapist of a certain gender, that’s a valid boundary, not a bias.
Are Female Therapists More Empathetic? Are Male Therapists More Direct?
There are many stereotypes about gender that affect more than just therapists. Since gender is not binary and each therapist has their own lived experience, traits like empathy or directness cannot be parsed down in this way. Personality and training shape a therapist’s style far more than gender does. Some male therapists lead with deep empathy and gentleness. Some female therapists are direct, structured, and to the point. Gender doesn’t define empathy; attunement does.
Identity and Past Experiences Influence the Right Fit
Your own story plays a role in what feels safe. Gender can’t be separated from the rest of your identity.
If you’re a queer survivor, you might want someone who understands trauma and gender identity together. If you’re a man who grew up being told not to cry, you might feel safer with a therapist who helps you explore emotion without judgment. If you’re a woman of color, you might want a therapist who understands racial trauma and gendered oppression.
A good trauma therapist will name and honor these parts of you. Healing happens when your full identity is welcome in the room.
When to Switch Therapists if It Doesn’t Feel Right
Sometimes, even when a therapist looks great on paper, it just doesn’t click. That is okay.
You might realize after a few sessions that you feel misunderstood. Or maybe your therapist reminds you of someone from your past in a way that feels hard to shake.
Switching doesn’t mean you failed. It means you’re listening to yourself. Therapy is a partnership, and you get to choose who’s invited into your healing.
The Real Question: Who Helps You Feel Safe Enough to Heal?
When it comes down to it, the “male vs. female therapist” question misses the bigger point. The real question is:
Who helps you feel seen, respected, and safe enough to heal?
A therapist’s gender might play a part in that, but it’s only one piece of a much larger picture.
At Embodied Wellness, we believe safety starts with consent, compassion, and curiosity, not assumptions. Our therapists are trained in somatic and EMDR approaches that help you heal from trauma by reconnecting with your body, one step at a time.
Whether your therapist is male, female, or nonbinary, what matters most is how you feel in the space. Healing begins when your body says, “I can finally rest here.”
Common FAQs About Therapist Gender and Trauma
1. Should I choose a therapist of the same gender as me?
If it helps you feel more at ease, that’s a great place to start. Some people find it easier to open up to someone who shares their gender or has had similar life experiences. Others find that working with a therapist of a different gender helps them build new, healing experiences that challenge old fears or assumptions.
There is no one “right” choice here. The right choice is the one that feels best for you. The most important thing is that you feel respected, understood, and emotionally safe. If that’s happening, the specific gender of your therapist becomes much less important.
2. Are female therapists better for trauma survivors?
While many female therapists do specialize in trauma work, plenty of male and nonbinary therapists are deeply skilled and compassionate too. Healing has more to do with a therapist’s training, empathy, and ability to attune than with gender.
In fact, every therapist brings their own personality, energy, and lived experience to the room. Some survivors find comfort in a nurturing, gentle style; others prefer someone who offers structure, grounding, and calm authority. Both approaches can be effective.
What matters most is that your therapist understands trauma, not just intellectually, but somatically. They know when to slow down, how to track your body’s signals, and how to help you feel safe enough to stay present as you process what happened.
3. What if I’m uncomfortable with my therapist’s gender?
You’re allowed to feel that way, and it doesn’t mean you’re being “difficult” or “picky.” If your therapist’s gender brings up discomfort, anxiety, or memories of past harm, that’s important information about your nervous system’s sense of safety.
The best first step is to name it out loud, if you feel safe enough. A good trauma-informed therapist will listen without judgment, validate your feelings, and explore whether adjustments (like pacing or boundaries) might help.
But if the discomfort doesn’t lessen, or if you just can’t relax, it’s okay to switch therapists. Safety isn’t optional in trauma therapy; it’s the foundation everything else rests on. You deserve a space where your body and mind both feel safe to heal.
4. What should I do if there are only male therapists available?
It’s okay to feel uncertain, especially if your trauma involved men or if you’ve never worked with a male therapist before. You don’t have to commit to long-term therapy right away. Try one session and see how your body feels during and after.
Notice small things: Do you feel heard? Do you sense respect and calm in the space? Do you leave feeling a little lighter or more grounded?
Sometimes, our nervous system needs a chance to update its story. It can take time to experience safety with someone who represents what once felt unsafe. Other times, you might realize it’s not a good fit, and that’s completely fine too. You can always pause or look for someone else later.
You don’t have to know in advance whether it will feel okay. Do your best to give yourself permission to try, stay curious, and listen to what your body tells you.
Start Trauma Counseling in Detroit & Across Michigan
Starting trauma therapy takes courage. Whether you prefer a male, female, or nonbinary therapist, you’re in the right place. At Embodied Wellness, PLLC, our team understands trauma and offers care that’s personalized to you. If you’re unsure which therapist is the best fit, you can schedule a free 15-minute consultation. Our Clinic Coordinator will walk you through each therapist’s specialties, accepted insurances, and current availability.
Take the next step toward freedom from trauma today:
Get matched with a trauma therapist
Be free from symptoms of trauma
Additional Virtual Therapy Services in Michigan
At Embodied Wellness, PLLC, we offer a variety of holistic treatment services besides men’s counseling that can be beneficial for adults and teens with anxiety, depression, and OCD. We specialize in EMDR, Somatic therapy, Somatic Experiencing, Internal Family Systems, and DBT for trauma. We also specialize in CBT, ERP, and Empath Counseling. We offer online therapy in Michigan. Start overcoming your trauma today by visiting our Detroit-based practice. We also have low-cost therapy options available!
About the Author:
Sarah Rollins, LMSW, SEP is the founder of Embodied Wellness, PLLC, a group therapy practice providing online therapy in Michigan. She is passionate about expanding awareness of somatic therapy as a way to treat and heal trauma. She incorporates other holistic treatments into her practice, including EMDR, IFS, and attachment theory.